My Small Thin Punjabi Wedding - 2 : Pa.. pa.. pa… Priorities
Washed all my clothes last weekend. ALL. Yes I mean all.
Wait. There’s this entire stack of Hugo Boss suits, dress shirts, woolen pants, sweaters - which took up two 60 gallon boxes. These were shipped to the laundry yesterday. Anything else that I’ve forgotten to wash? Damn it, the rugs, the towels, the very clothes I’m wearing, the shoes that need to go out in the sun, the blankets, the mattress cover, the pillows and their covers, the bed sheets, the bed covers… YAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
If after reading the above, you, dear reader think, that I’m doing all this mighty Olympic cleaning for the marriage, then I would humbly and kindly and most sweetly like to inform you that you are wrong.
BED BUGS. FUCKING BUGS. THE CLEANING IS BEING DONE FOR THE BUGS. There is no way to eliminate the bastards. Get everything cleaned, seal all the laundered clothes, sheet, upholstery, blankets, etc. in vacuum pack bags - the ziplocs (yes they make large sized bags) and then keep them out of the house till the Pesticide company does their thing.
Then to-be-Biwi who is an internet chugger for information finds that in the USA there is no good solution to kill bed bugs, cause our dear US government has banned all the chemicals that will kill and eliminate the bastard bugs. DDT for example so easily available in India, infact you have more DDT in your house than FUCKING SUGAR!!! - Yes that DDT is not available in US. And if you are caught with unlicensed DDT, you go to jail. DAMN IT. DDT could have gotton rid of bugs, but now I can’t do anything.
So to-be-Biwi announces, the only way to kill bugs is finding and buying a good, and I mean a real good, industrial dry steam cleaner. First we look online, find the allergy association which has a lot of things listed, reviewed and punched with loads of information about allergies, bugs and termites.
The steam cleaner is there! VOILA!!! JOB DONE
And I’m $1700 poorer.
MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH. I HAVE NOT EVEN SPENT SO MUCH ON THE MARRIAGE THAT I’M SPENDING ON MOTHER FUCKING SONS OF BUGS!!!
Get emails for CM : “Are you OK? Haven’t heard from you. The festival is in 6 weeks, how’s your progress?”
DAMN DAMN DAMN… I’m volunteering for the Indian Film Festival at LA, which starts on April 22nd. And I’m organizing a major event.
Did I say Volunteering?
Yes. I did. Which means I have to get tons of things done for the festival or I’ll be the culprit that flopped one of the major looked upon events at the festival.
FUCK FUCK FUCK
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???
BUGS, MARRIAGE PREP, FESTIVAL WORK
I need to prioritize to get everything done on time
Priority 1: Marriage Plans
Priority 2: Festival Work
Priority 3: Fucking the Bugs
WAIT!!!
That means I’ll be eaten by the bugs until the marriage is done (9 weeks) and Festival work (6 weeks)
NO WAY JOSE!!!
Change Priorities.
Priority 1: Fuck the Bugs
Priority 2: Marriage Plans
Priority 3: Festival Prep
NO NO NO… That means I may fuck up the Festival work and may not be able to get the things done on time.
Change Priorities!!!
Priority 1: Festival Work
Priority 2: Fuck the Bugs
Priority 3: Marriage Prep
That looks good!
.
.
.
SLAP
.
.
.
no, it doesn’t
As you can see, the protection helmet (bought in Part 1) isn’t working.
It looks like Priority 1 will have: Bugs, Marriage, Festival - all included in it.
Looking at the above line, I feel like I’m marrying the bugs and we’ll be having a big festival after that.
FUCK FUCK FUCK… MY HEAD’S ALL SCREWED UP WITH ALL THE WORK I’M PUTTING IN.
The Pesticide company comes tomorrow. The steam cleaner arrives Thursday. Hopefully by Saturday, I’ll have the bugs in control.
RINGS… FUCK FUCK FUCK… I STILL DON’T HAVE THE WEDDING RINGS…. MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH… I SPENT ALL THE MONEY ON A FUCKING STEAM CLEANER… FUCK FUCK FUCK…
Parting Shot:
“Do you think she can get a blouse and a petticoat in colors that will match the sarees we are sending?”
Yes, I think so Pitashree
“Ullu ke patte, do you think she will have so much time to get it done. There’s tons of things she is working on for the marriage and you want to give this job to her? TAKE YOUR MO&$(&#FU&$%# ASS to ARTESIA, FIND A TAILOR AND GET THE JOB DONE!!!”
jeee Pitashree
So, I’m standing in front of a tailor on the Indian street, holding two oranges while the tailor takes measurements for the blouse…
March 11th, 2008 at 11:31 am
donG of oc with oranges in artesia while a desi darji naap him up…. :)) hahahahahah!!!
bhai - will call you later today.
March 11th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
holy fuck !!!!
OMG =))=))=))=))=))=))=))=))=))=))=))=))
this is MORE HILARIOUS !!!
marrying the bugs and a big festival after that !!!
“holding two oranges while the tailor takes measurements for the blouse”
Ohhhhhhhhh god .. someone get me some water !!!
Cant wait for the third part … OMG
March 12th, 2008 at 3:14 am
So you will be having a fat punjabi wedding in India, eh?
Anyway, a bit late, not really.. still nine weeks left, but… Congratulations.
March 12th, 2008 at 5:47 am
=)) =)) now i know why i haven’t been able to catch you over the phone.. looks like you have a few things on your plate.. or should i say bed?
March 12th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
DP, thanks. holding oranges close to your chest on a busy Indian street is and shall remain a definite no-no
KK, waiting for my turn to laugh… alas no relief in sight… or until you get hitched… ;)
HG, no fat, big weddings anywhere :)
Striker, what bed? it was trashed yesterday :(
March 13th, 2008 at 3:24 am
;))
March 13th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
:))
March 14th, 2008 at 1:12 am
:)):)):)):)):)):)):)):)):)):)):)):)):))
another one bites the DUST and HOW!!!!!!!:)):)):)):)):)):)):)):)):)):)):)):)):))
March 14th, 2008 at 3:15 am
ek kuwara phir gaya mar ..
phas gaya dekho yeh bechara…..
char din ki hai yeh chandani ..
phir kaali kaali raat hai ……:d:d:d:d:d:d
March 16th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Oh…bed bugs? there too? the most fucking *&&*%&^%&^% creatures on this planet. They say some Chinese medicine works on them. Good luck with bed bugs and wedding preps.