Desi Train

This is shit Tony. This is fucking shit. The guy sitting on the table is trying to eat his food as softly as he can. But I can hear him Tony. The scratching of the fork on his plate, the chewing sound in his mouth, the spit that is sinking in his crushed food, the tongue rolling it around, I’m hating it Tony, I’m hating it. The wave - this one is more much higher stronger angrier than the last one. I wish to get up, go to his table, take the fork from his hand and stab him in the eye. I need to see the pain, that I am feeling inside me. I need to see the pain and slap and piss on the face of this pain. I need to shit on it. Spit on it. I need that face of that pain Tony and God be my witness I have tried as much, as hard, as diligently that I could to find it within me. The pain escapes my hands. It hides. It laughs at me. It feeds off me.

This is the only way I can get that pain. To see it on his face. The grunts that he is enjoying. The rubbing of his stomach in pleasure. The face of arrogance that that masks this timid, screwed up man. I need to do this Tony. I need to stab that fork in his eye and twist it. Turn it. Bend the blades of steel inside the eye sockets of this shit head. I need to this or it will kill me.

This pain. This never ending pain that resides inside me. And you and everyone. I’ve found it. And God be kind to those who never do. This gut wrenching pain that feeds on the shit inside our very own body Tony. And this body that builds shit for us. Each day every day. It resides in its own shit and fears its own excrement. Can you believe that Tony? It’s like shit fears it’s own shit. Every fucking morning billions wake up. And a billion anal sphincters shut up like a tight vice not letting the shit out. Why Tony? Isn’t the body supposed to let out it’s own waste so it can generate more the next day?

I’ll tell you why. Its the DNA, I’m telling you. Trust me. It’s the fucking DNA residing the tiniest minutest particlized atom in each and every cell. The DNA’s job is keep you in this shit. This mess. This body which people praise for God knows what reasons. Fools! The DNA makes you and me believe that we are pure and the shit needs to leave our body. But it’s bound by it’s own rule. To recognize itself. The shit can never let it’s brethren seperate from it. And the sphincter clamps shut. The DNA bound by it’s own rules can’t let it go. It’s like losing a life day after day after day.

Yet it plays the role of the master manipulator making you think you are the great purest one. Above all. Above everything. This headache is killing me… Above all… Above everything… do you really wanna believe this? For ages and centuries we are making a make believe world and living in it. Calling it earth or heaven or what the fuck sake anyone calls it these days.

But the truth of the matter is we are shit. And we are being lied to by our own shit. Our very own fucking shit. And we don’t even know it. You can break the mirage. See it for yourself Tony. See it for yourself. Try watching your own feces. And as you see it lower you face closer and closer to it, as if you wanna eat it. The barrier to stop you from recognizing yourself in that pile of shit will clench its fist in you stomach and hit your insides, rise and make you throw up. Don’t stop. Do it. Rub your face in your feces. Rub it till you see yourself in it.

It’s like showing the middle finger to the fucking vile DNA that resides in every part of your body. It makes you oscillate between the right and the wrong. The good and the bad. The clean and the shit of all things. Why Tony why? And yet it wants to survive.

Survive the onslaught of disease and death. I mean it’s funny. I could do a standup show of this all Tony. Shit wants to live. The shit we don’t think a second about cause it’s unhealthy. The DNA has manipulated us. I’m afraid this headache is making me lose it Tony. It surely is.

I wanna take a gun and blow my brains out. I wanna watch it’s splinters shit all over the floor. That’s the time I’ll shit in my pants. That’s the time the DNA loses hope of it’s survival and lets go of the fucking mask that it blinds us with. But it doesn’t let go of it’s want to live. The want which embraces the pain. It’s like Siamese twins Tony. The want and pain in bed with each other residing every fucking cell of your body. And the brain or what’s left of it has them in it. They aren’t dead. They never die even if you lose permanent consciousness of your body. Try getting up and shooting those pieces of your own splattered brains. They will break into a million more pieces… they just keep multiplying Tony. They never die.

Whoever calls it a dead piece of hair is a liar. Just because that hair has been cut off from your body and will never grow up doesn’t it’s dead. It’s like plastic. You can never kill it. Your DNA is in every fucking atom of that hair. The want and the pain. You have no escape Tony. FUCK THIS HEADACHE IS KILLING ME. You crawled as a child. Just like the hair was growing up on your scalp on your body. The crawling stopped, just like the hair on this floor which I swear to God will never grow. Why did the child stop crawling? Why WHY WHY FUCKING WHY? Is the child dead? Yes maybe. Maybe not. I have no answers Tony. The want and the pain don’t leave you. The DNA has trapped you up… push you head in your own excrement. Push it hard down in it. Rub your face in it Tony Rub it… see what I see… you are shit… just shit. Just like me and everyone else.

But now you’ve seen through the mask of deceit and lies that your own mind your own DNA has woven around you. Blinded you from the true facts. I’m surrounded by idiots Tony. Idiots who think they are doing a great service to mankind. I wanna say fuck you to them. I wanna beat the shit out of them. Watch the pain, that I’m so incapable of watching in my body, my own shit. I piss on that face of the pain, I wanna shit on it and then I wanna cut it to pieces. All the pain on each and every moron’s face. Every moron that surrounds me.

Am I losing it Tony? No I’m not. I’m freer than what you would believe. What your brains your stupid fucking brains make you believe. You don’t see what I see Tony. You don’t. You are a piece of your own feces Tony. You don’t see that I do. But you will FUCKING FOOL YOURSELF ALL YOUR MOTHERFUCKING LIFE THAT YOU ARE SOME KID ON THE BLOCK WITH BRAINS TO MAKE A LIFE OUT OF. Sex. Tony. Sex. Does it bother you that you don’t wanna let out your own waste to purify your body but don’t even hesitate for a single FUCKING millisecond to let out the sperm out of your body - a sperm which serves you no purpose staying within you nor does it harm you. So why does one need that FUCK? And another FUCK AND ANOTHER FUCK AND ANOTHER… till you realize your penis is the last part on your motherfucking dead body, you will still live in that penis of yours. Isn’t it strange Tony? The shit and the fuck? The want and the pain…? You get the resemblance… do you???

It’s the DNA Tony. The shit. The feces. The excrement wants to multiply. It’s a virus. It has to live in you or in others. And if it can’t find others it will multiply. The DNA says FUCK and you do. It extracts the very existence of life from your body till you have no more to give. The pain has to live. It finds it’s way to survive.

Take the gun from my hand when I blow my fucking brains away. Kill every piece of my brain that splatters around. Tony promise me you will do that. Kill it. Stomp on it. Take off your pants and shit on it.