Desi Train

Letter to Cinemahindra - God of movies who travels in an Indian Jeep.

Postmarked : July 20, 2007

From: Your tuch prani (Hinglish: very bad animal)

Dear God,
I ask you for forgiveness for I have sinned. My love for movies has been labelled by this world as crazy, psychotic, snobbish by other tuch pranis (Hinglish: extremely bad animals). But I walked on and on in this crazy dreamy land of movies constantly touching the Bollywood junction each Friday for even if I’ve had water of ghat ghat (Hinglish: canyon canyon), I can’t do without my weekly Bollywood bhaat (Hinglish: 501 Export Quality Andhra Rice consisting of 50% mexican rice and 50% dirt/shit collected off the east coast of USA with the label: From India with Love stamped in front)

For the past so many years my brains have been beaten to mashed potatoes 52 times a year with an occasional relief here and there… the here and there constitutes those Fridays when no Bollywood movies were released or Patel and Daruwalla stores had already supplied the pirated version a Friday earlier.

With so much experience and the front hand knowledge that David Dhawan’s “Partner” was a copy of Hitch… I dared to enter the Hansal Mehta defined word for Naz 8 cinemas - “Desi Ghetto”… ready to strip, kneel down and have my head beaten up by another Bollywood copy flick.

And as expected it turned out to be a copy of Hitch.

As unexpectedly, I put my clothes back on, ten minutes into the movie, sat on the nearest seat that had the least amount of spring popping out, and glued myself to the screen.

And I sinned. I laughed, I cried out laughing, because what Hitch failed to deliver, Partner was spot on - the amazing comedy and the fantastic chemistry between Govinda and Salman Khan. Of course the screenplay was shoddy but the editing was razor sharp. If Hitch delivered so beautifully the sloppiness of Kevin James and how he still won his lady’s heart, Partner was simply in a rush all the time to jump on to the next joke, but if Hitch felt a film that was washed with a disinfectant and then deodorized, Partner just goes all out to make it a Mad Mad Mad Mad world.

I got carried away Oh dear God of Cinema… I was buckled up and sent on this roller coaster ride for the next two hours and inspite of it’s sloppiness in parts, portions of unreal gaudy sets, actors ending up looking into the camera while muttering their dialogues and flaws galore… I was hooked.

Oh God, forgive me for I have sinned. Blame it on Govinda who adds another new dimension to his comedy and in a way so rarely seen, lifts his costar Salman’s performance as well.

Oh God, forgive me for I have never enjoyed a copy so thoroughly before… Sorry Lord, forgive me… I did enjoy as much a copy that came exactly 20 years ago… It was called “Jalwa” a copy of Beverly Hills Cop… After “Jalwa”… sorry after watching ‘Jalwa’ about 20 times in three weeks trying to find why I had enjoyed it inspite of knowing that it was a frame to frame photo copy of Beverly Hills Cop, I had given up, walked to the nearest doctor’s clinic and had respectfully asked the doctor to take his biggest injection and shove it up my ass to bring me to my senses.

I feel I should do the same again, but have stopped because I’m in the USA and don’t have any medical insurance that would cover the 563 dollars the doctor would bill for the same action I had performed on myself 20 odd years ago.

Forgive me O Lord, for after coming out of the theater I realized I hardly remembered a few jokes in the movie even when I had spent the entire two hours laughing my guts out. And then I remembered it was a David Dhawan movie. The entertainment of this brand lasts until the show and rarely lingers on.

Forgive me O Lord for I may end up going again tomorrow to watch this movie again to decipher WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME, and why the hell did I enjoy a desi Hitch… my life has O Lord become such a bitch.

And that’s the only glitch…

Your param bhakt (Hinglish: front row devotee)

oz

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 21st, 2007 at 12:23 am and is filed under Bollywood, Movie Reactions.
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