Kissy Kissy Bangy Bangy
Gere kissed Shilpa…. HAYLA! From Bombay to Banaras, whoever is bekaar (unemployed), will shout for two drinks of Aristrocrat whiskey and has submitted to the fact that his head is stuffed with rotten potatoes that can be manipulated by any politician or the politician’s chaprasi - yes - they all are on TV demanding Shilpa Shetty apologize.
Star News does something (what the hell did it do?) that has some watch guards of our pure Indian society going to Star’s office complex with hammers and beating the shit out of the cars in the parking lot. I love what these watch guards are doing… I wish they could also have performed a mujra on the terrace of Star’s workplace, to attract global attention.
Really… the progressive dictatorship of India is religiously progressing… by leaps and bounds.
It should have come as no surprise to the Ms. Blondee when I insisted that she wear a burkha and I slip under it, so I could kiss her in complete privacy behind the posters of “Sena party zindabad”
You never know who is looking these days. After all I don’t want Naga sadhus from Varanasi protesting in front of my house shocked at me having publicly kissed a blondee… Who wants to see angry banners in front of my window that read “STOP KISSING WOMAN… KISS COW”… Since when did sadhus find the time to leave their jaap to protest against paap. Baap re Baap.
In fact I’m planning to start an underground movement. Where boyfriends and girlfriends can exchange love notes in the wrapper containing peanuts which they will buy from the street side chana walla. Not only that - but I’ll be recruiting all doodhwallas, channawallas and kachra wallahs in the movement.
These wallahs will be the eyes and ears of the underground movement. The kachra wallah will deliver Valentine’s Day cards between lovers in their kachra box… while the doodhwallahs will hide gifts inside their doodh ka dabba - rings, chains, milk covered roses, bras, panties and whatever sick minds of boys think of buying for their girls.
I have also planned using modern technology for this secret underground movement.
Video rental stores will be roped in. Lovers will take a video of themselves in which they pass their messages to their significant other. The copy of the DVD or Video will be given to these video parlors where the significant other will pick that up by using a “code word”. The code word would be asking for a movie…. Main Chutiya Hoon hain? or asking for other movie titles like Chutiya Kaun? or Ma Bahen ki ek at Lokhandwala
Similarly, lovers will also be able to record their messages on CDs and cassettes and pass them to their jaaans via music stores. The cover of the music CD would show titles like “Gaanda” (for Gujju lovers), “Meri phatee hui hain” (Hindi lovers), “Rape Randi” (Telugu lovers), and “Jassi di Lassi da paratha” (Punjabi lovers). Titles in other languages are still being worked out.
Bill, Larry and Steve - the leaders in software and hardware would also be roped in to make DVDs of the special kind. When any of these morcha-dharis rent my dear Jenna Jamesons A grade porn from the video stores and run out through the back door, go home and pop the DVD in as they feverishly try their best to untie the nada of the pajamas before the titles of the DVD roll out — our secret technology will come into play. While the porn plays out, the hi fi DVD will actually be recording the act of these morcha-dharis… shame shame.
And just like that these idiots will return the DVD back into the video store with recording of their shame shame act. HA! PUNKS!
The secret underground movement requires finance. Hence please kindly ask your wife, mistress or other men or women in your open or secret life to spend less on makeup and shoes for the next two months. Use this saved money to write a check payable to “Hum Sab Ullu Ke Pathe Hain Ltd.”
By God’s grace, the underground movement will gather force and will come above ground one day… until then brace yourself, the storm has just started.
April 17th, 2007 at 10:05 am
=)),Down With Moral Policing:D
April 17th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
=)) the classic oz is back! and HOW :))
i was eating a snickers bar while reading this and now chocolate, peanut, and caramel crumbs adorn my monitor at work…
superb!!! =D>
April 17th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
“Hum Sab Ullu Ke Pathe Hain Ltd.â€
“Ma Bahen ki ek at Lokhandwala”
=))=))
Vintage Oz…. ^:)^^:)^
Chalo isi bahaney Oz back to writing howlarious posts…
April 18th, 2007 at 9:42 am
Since when did sadhus find the time to leave their jaap to protest against paap. Baap re Baap..
Reminds me of vintage KM.