Desi Train

Just landed on this excellent write up by an Assistant Director (AD in Bollywood ishtyle) in Bollywood, at DNA India. Kiran Rathod’s slap dash butter spread whiplash shows enough promise to get an invitation to oz’s weekend bash…

Here goes, Bollywood’s best and worst people through the eyes of Kiran Rathod, an assistant director…

Assistant director Kiran Rathod on the ten best moviewallahs to work with ..and the worst

In Showtown’s short-hand we are the ADs (pronounced a-dees), the assistant directors. Sounds dignified, exalted.

But the assistant director’s portfolio has its pains and pleasures. Rather than paying through our noses to learn direction formally, which invariably means flying to America’s UCLA, we learn on the job at the rancid studios or if we luck out, on locations exotica, the world’s the limit.

Expectedly, we are paid like casual labourers, denying us that little thrill of filing annual tax returns. If the film features saleable stars, the meal menu figures every delicacy in the rotisserie..if not, hey just grab a vada paav at the end of the night. Plus, at the end of the movie’s production, many regret that finances have run out, we’re shown the door with that duplictious line, “We will call you to clear your dues.” The phone never rings.

The age of an AD ranges from 20 to 29. There are at least 300 of us at any given time, the fringe dwellers. Apart from the usually uncontracted exploitation, we have two other factors in common. One, we dream about becoming independent directors. Two, we are incurable film fans.

If I’m writing this piece after 10 years of assistantbaazi, it’s to salute film personalities who have treated everyone from ADs and the lighting crew to spotboys as team members and not as inferior geeklings. In fact, I suspect most ADs in town are likely to agree with my 10 top favourite list:

Top 10 Favourites

SANJAY DUTT: The no hang-ups dude, chills even if it takes an eternity to set up the next shot. When he cusses, it’s not with malice. Takes time to show up for the morning shift but when he does, delivers the goods at Ferrari speed.

SHAH RUKH KHAN: Effortlessly creates a buddy-buddy ambience. Memorises dialogue to the last comma, pacing up and down for five minutes in a secluded corner. Makes every visitor feel special. If someone is in need of money, organises the cash discreetly.

SALMAN KHAN: Moody as hell but kind-hearted. No discrimination in dealing with technicians, ADs and catering guys. If the director or co-actor rubs him up the wrong way, he either freezes or takes follow-up action – including bouts of rage.

AMITABH, JAYA BACHCHAN: Contrasts. He’s reserved, courteous, intimidating..but suddenly calls you by your nickname, making you feel 10-feet-tall. She gets tiffin carriers and prasad from home, inquires about your aspirations, your family, a wrench to see her leave after the last day’s shoot.

SUSHMITA SEN: If she takes a shine to you, wow. She even calls you “darling”. She cares for her staff, has a strong off-screen presence.

AAMIR KHAN: A stickler for order, excellent with his staff. If the Lagaan supporting cast acquired cosy homes, you know who the Good Samaritan was. And hey, he married an AD.

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KARAN JOHAR: For any aspiring nirdeshak, he’s the dream director to work with. Has a fiercely loyal circle of ADs. If he’s the best paymaster in the biz that doesn’t hurt either. Sanjay Leela Bhansali is another dream director, but is rumoured to throw cellphones at ADs on losing his stack.

FARHAN AKHTAR: Demands unflinching efficiency. Also knows that after a hard schedule, it’s party time. Producer Ritesh Sidhwani is his alter-ego. Unconfirmed news is that Shaad Ali, too, is generous with his team, besides welcoming creative inputs.

YASH CHOPRA: Has always had the eye for spotting directorial talent (now with son Aditya). May not pay handsomely but believes in a fair degree of equality in boarding, lodging and travel during
the shoot.

URMILA MATONDKAR: Punctual, professional. No nakhras, doesn’t declare World War III if the vanity van doesn’t show up. Doesn’t launch into method arguments just before a shot is ready, a director’s delight.

Nightmares

Boney Kapoor..excellent with stars, indifferent to others.

Feroz Khan..you live in fear when he might feed you to the lions.

Govinda..with him you have to solidly believe in the saying, “Better late than never.”

Mallika Sherawat..attitude, attitude, attitude..but for what?..nine minutes with Jackie Chan?

Vashu Bhagnani..defines nightmare.

JP Dutta..no comments.

Ektaa Kapoor..scream queen, also rumoured to slap faces she doesn’t like.

Anil Sharma.. disorganised.

Suneel Darshan.. disorganised and some more.

Dharmesh Darshan..in the midst of a London shoot can banish an assistant for no fault of his.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 30th, 2006 at 8:21 am
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