Desi Train

{Note - Do call in and tell me on what movies you are most excited about from the list below. Desi Talk - The Desi Train Talk Show starts Sunday, July 30 at 10 AM Pacific / 1 PM Eastern / 6 PM London / 7 PM Amsterdam / 9 PM Dubai / 10:30 PM India / (July 31) 2 AM Tokyo / (July 31) 3 AM Sydney}

For the last two weeks, the only Bollywood related discussion found on discussion boards and in the main stream media is this: The exciting line up of movies from Bollywood, starting this Friday till the end of the year.

And if you’ve already seen the list, you’ll realize it’s so true. It is quite rare to see, a biggie being released week after week, one behind each other, - NOT for a few odd weeks, but for 5 months at a stretch. Yes 5 months. The next 5 months will have one or another big budget movie splashing over the cine screens.

For a moment it would seem like Bollywood has taken a tip from the concept of student consolidation loans which in America is quite common. Loans taken from various sources to fund your education are consolidated into one common account at one common interest rate for a better tighter debt management.

And Bollywood seems to be doing exactly that! Pumping all movies into one small ring of 5 months. It’s also true that this is happening because of so much of moolah being pumped into Bollywood recently, the result - Big movies each month for the next five months.

This ofcourse does not mean that all these movies are or will be good movies. Your entering the bathroom to take a shower does not necessarily mean that you will be taking a shower…. strange comparison. Well… actually that’s what I used to do when Mr. & Mrs. Army ka Danda (my loving parents, no offense meant), would send me packing into the bathroom to take a quick shower before sending me off to the early morning fucking 6 am Advanced Calculus class. (By the way, even if you don’t feel like sleeping after you get up on an early morning, an Advanced Calculus class is a sure bet to have many of you dozing off in a matter of 5 - 10 seconds)

So what’s coming up from Bollywood… (me rubbing palms)… let’s take a look -

JULY

July’s almost over but we have Omkara, Vishal Bhardwaj’s adaptation of Othello. Ajay, Saif, Vivek, Kareena, Konkana, Bipasha, Naseer - whew! #:-s

The movie’s been mentioned a couple of times on Desi Train. Key elements - Vishal’s basic story telling ability, Performances and ofcourse the music. Possible bang-ur-head elements - could turn out to have a veeeeery sssssslow pace, cross your fingers over that.

AUGUST

So what does the month of Leos have for us… that reminds me that I better buy two birthday cards for my parents’ upcoming birthdays if I wanna spend the rest of this year in peace.

Anthony Kaun Hai? - Sunjay Dutt and Arshad Warsi get together for this assasin chases victim thriller set in Bangkok. Echoes of AKH? being a copy of Who is Cletis Tout? can be heard over movie sites and bulletin boards. Please don’t look back at me - cause I have no idea how true the rumors are. And by the way I don’t remember one scene of Who is Cletis Tout? even though I do very clearly remember seeing that movie…. except that I had my face sunk between the legs of my the then cute-stage-actress date… for most part of the movie.

But the one very strong and clear memory about “Who is Cletis Tout?” that I have is - for the first time I wanted to know if there was anything that helped one build a strong tongue muscle. 2 hours of non stop using your tongue between – you-know-where will have you walking with a dropped jaw for the next two days. - Not that it has anything to do with the movie - the connection though is very strong… with the tongue exercise, not the movie.

Coming on AKH’s heels is Darwaza Bandh Rakho - and yes, it’s from the Factory - Ram Gopal Varma’s production house. Surprise Surprise - it’s directed by Chakravarthy - the guy who played the lead in Satya. And if you can hog your memory a little bit backwards you’ll realize he also acted in RGV’s Shiva. Yep. He was the guy who gets a thrashing from Nagarjuna in the college campus - the scene which had the famous taking a bicycle chain to beat up the goons - nonstop voilence served on a silver plate. The interesting thing about DBR, is the story where a group of thugs (Chunky Pandey, Aftab Shivdasani, Zakhir Hussain and Snehal Dhabi) kidnap a rich lady for ransom, land up in a middle class families home and spend the rest of the movie trying to prevent unsuspecting visitors from entering the house.

And closing the month of August will be the every prolonged, ever delayed, looking trash from each angle, but could turn out to be hit because it has Salman Khan in it - Shaadi Karke Phas Gaye Yaar. I saw the trailer of this movie in the theaters when I had gone to see “Black”. And by the looks of the shoddy-from-every-angle trailer, I had made up my mind to wear ear plugs when the DVD of this movie is released and during that time I have to enter my Desi Store for groceries. Heaven help the guy, when Ketan, Chetan and Tapan start their focused selling pitch, urging the customer to rent the crappiest of movies from their store, which everyone eventually does. There is just no escape.

August should as well as be called KANK month of the year. Karan Johar returns after a long time with Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. Ok I’ll admit this - I watched his first Kuch Kuch Hota Hai after it was released on video, as I had no stomach to go out in the theater and watch a candy floss thingy. And there were quite a few elements that impressed me in KKH. Then comes his biggie, the one which had 3 superstars in the same frame. Kabhie Khushi Kabhi Gham. It split me in two. On one hand certain portions were damn irritating and on the other hand, well I hate to admit this, but… I have cried on some other scenes.

So will I watch KANK? With a star cast that boasts of Amitabh, Shah Rukh, Abhishek, Rani, Preeti - sure… uh… no, not sure… who knows… :-??

The other movie to watch out for in August, that could as well as surprise one and all is Ahista Ahista starring Soha Ali Khan and Abhay Deol. New Director Shivam Nair. There is a certain attractiveness in the previews of this one. There is just the right element of innocence in the way the movie is projected in the previews. Add to that Abhay Deol’s (first movie was the could have been very good was wasn’t - Socha Na Tha) - very interesting project choices - Honeymoon Travels and 1:40 Ki Last Local - they absolutely don’t look like the regular run of the mill products… So what does this make Abhay Deol? Bollywood’s tamed version of Johnny Depp?… Time will tell.

The Jain producers (owners of a music company) bring in August a Dharmesh Darshan direction, Akshaye Khanna - Dino Moreo - Priyanka Chopra starrer - Aap Ki Khatir. Big movie because - Dharmesh Darshan seems to be a large figure (… yes and literally) in Bollywood. This is also the movie where Darshan, as per the rumors, seemed to have (homo)sexually harassed a crew member on the set. Ah! No, that should not be the reason to watch this movie.

Spoiler: As far as I’ve understood from the basic preview of Aap Ki Khaatir, please go ahead and watch The Wedding Date, starring the oh-so-ravishing Debra Messing.

Govinda returns! I didn’t see anyone jumping with excitement. Ok so Govinda returns to the big screen Sandwich

And RGV has another movie pumping out of his Factory. The utterly gross trailer of which was discussed on DT. Shiva starring Mohit Alawat and RGV’s current breakfast jam, Nisha Kothari. Some call it Shiva Part II, some call it James Part II (James Part II???? WTF!!) - I’ll simply call it factory product part number $#%x

Dare to think of this combination - Rahul Bose and Mallika Sherawat??? No… well then you’ll have to watch Pyar Ke Side Effects Brains meet Boobs? I’ll have to watch this one.

Phew!!! And that was just August…

SEPTEMBER

If you thought August was heavy, then September starts with a WAM!!!

Lage Raho Munnabhai - the sequel to the sweet and balanced Munnabhai MBBS. Though the movie is not a sequel in the real sense it’s supposed to be a 3 hour round of the adventures of Munnabhai and Circuit. You can conveniently forget that the first part showed Munna and Circuit having settled down and leading a family life. Idhar family vamily nahin chalega Mamu Skeptical. Sequels so far have been fairly disappointing, but it’s a Vidhu Vinod Chopra production, so anything is possible.

After some of the made-to-be-instantly-forgettable movies like Unns and Bhoot Uncle, it’s the turn of Mr. Sohail Khan to step into the ring… and I’m not just speaking hypothetically… his Aryan is about his role as a boxer (or is it fighter or whatever). The tagline for this is “The Unbreakable”… good for them. But if the movie’s a dud, I hope theater owners have “unbreakable” chairs. If not, then it is my humble advise - for free (as always) - to replace their chairs with unbreakable ones. Insurance for theater property would not be a bad idea either.

Presenter : Mithun Chakraborty
Banner : High-Definition Motion Pictures
And the movie? Ladies and Gentlemen, please clap for the next Mithun-da. Mithun-da’s own son - Mimoh (no points for guessing how the ultra complex word - Mimoh - was formed). Mimoh’s entrance into Bollywood comes with the movie Jimmy Well it’s been directed by Raj N. Sippy, so there may be (a little) hope. Who’s Raj Sippy, you ask?

Raj Sippy could have become one of the best story tellers, master craftsman, technically brilliant director in Bollywood. Unfortunately it did not happen. To get a better idea of the spark of his once promising brilliance, watch his first movie - the gripping - Inkaar (1977). From a more commercial lens, you may know him as the director of Satte pe Satta

Sunny pa-ji returns with Naksha, along with Vivek Oberoi, Sameera Reddy and Jackie Shroff. Watch for Sunny pa-ji’s cowboy hat, that he uses to cover his… errr… wig. Confused? Me too.

Nagesh Kukunoor returns after the success of Iqbal with his next - Dor and it has the Iqbal star - Shreyas Talpade, along with Ayesha Takia and Gul Panag (where have you been?)

Next in the line is Jaane Hoga Kya. So why is it on the list? Cause it’s supposed to be a sci-fi thriller where Aftab Shivdasani plays a scientist (so utterly believable) and clones himself (mind boggling concept) and the clone goes missing (should we thank God or run for cover?)

And then follows the Jimmy Shergill starrer - Rehguzar. No reason to list it except that Jimmy and I were born on the same day (and I mean the “exact” same day… so he does share the same unlucky streak as oz) and I kind of like the down and out guys who keep fighting back with one good performance after another. Plus the beautiful title song is on the oz Drive Raaga list (bottom right sidebar).

Nope… it’s not over yet. September turns out to be the baap of August in terms of releases.

There’s the much delayed (over 10 years?) Amitabh Bachchan starrer Zamanat (why not send it straight to video?) followed by the Konkana Sen Sharma, Irrfan Khan starrer Deadline - Sirf 24 Ghante - hopefully the movie will survive and live for more than 24 hours.

Tanuja Chandra returns after a long time and no, she isn’t coming out with a product produced at the Mahesh Bhatt camp. This time she comes out with a catchy title and an interesting cast of Sushmita Sen, Shiny Ahuja and perhaps for the first time in a double role - Moushami Chatterjee. Zindagi Rocks could have the zing, so badly missed in Bollywood movies.

There’s another comedy whose title makes you stop. Amar Joshi Shahid Ho Gaya has been in the making for quite sometime. Hopefully it will retain its freshness. It stars Sunil Shetty and Om Puri in the lead roles.

An finally its the turn of Vishal Bhardwaj’s completed but never released The Blue Umbrella… being released under the title of Chatri Chor Watch out for a stupendous performance from the one and only Pankaj Kapoor (which we kind of expect from him).

No it doesn’t end here for there’s a movie where Anupam Kher and Boman Irani come face to face, playing the lead characters in the movie. Yummy. Yep. And that’s why Khosla Ka Ghosla makes its way on this groovy list.

Bollywood sure is catching on the concept of getting some eye popping, making you pause and look - titles. Risk. That’s the name of this Vinod Khanna, Randeep Hooda movie. Directed by Vishram Sawant who made D

OCTOBER

And just like September, October starts with a bang.

One of the first remakes to hit the Bollywood screens. Farhan “DCH” Akhtar’s DON

Can the Don of 2006 better the Don of 1978? The movie is supposed to have elements of its own and there is talk that it isn’t a blind remake of the original. For whatever negativities may be floating around on Don’s uninspiring posters etc. etc… you know… Farhan Akhtar could spring a surprise. Especially, with the support of the original screenwriter of Don… his dad… Javed Akhtar.

This time it’s her husband. I’m talking of Shirish Kunder, the husband of Farah Khan, choreographer and the director of SRK’s last biggest hit - Main Hoon Na. So Kunder, who’s been an editor so far, turns director with Jaaneman starring Salman Khan and Akshay Kumar. There’s Priety Zinta too. And if this is some sort of a triangle love story, I’m gonna give it a thumbs down right now. Triangles have been beaten to death by Bollywood. It would take a genius to pull us into the theater with a story so triangle. I hope Kunder isn’t making that mistake.

Well, with so many biggies up for release, how far could J.P. Dutta be? Not far… that if you live close to Rajasthan. Another director who had the elements of being a genius of a craftsman but never could become one. He’s back with a remake.

Yep, October gives us two remakes. Two big ones. After Don, it’s the turn of JP Dutta. He comes out with the remake of Muzzafar Ali’s classic, the Rekha starrer, Umrao Jaan. Playing the title role is Aishwarya Rai while Abhishek Bachchan, Sunil Shetty, Arshad Warsi form the rest of the leading cast. Somehow I don’t feel excited. Especially after watching Abhishek Bachchan’s wig. Why oh why? Farookh Shiekh didn’t need one in the original. So what makes Abhishek have this extra long hair(y) wig?

Bollywood overdoes it. Dutta’s Umrao Jaan could prove the case in point.

But Dutta’s overcooked product could well be balanced by one of the first attempts at this kind of a story - one I have high hopes from - Kabir Khan’s Kabul Express. The story follows the journey of journalists John Abraham and Arshad Warsi - from Kabul to Pakistan. The trailers are tight and gripping and show that Kabir Khan knows what he is doing. I do hope. I surely hope this turns out to be the way I’ve envisioned it to be. Aditya Chopra sure knows what he’s doing and I admire him for backing this project up.

If you are still trying to catch up your breath with the releases of October, wait till you hear what’s up in November.

NOVEMBER

Ravi Chopra returns with a family tear jerker. Sorry if you don’t know Ravi Chopra. Quick History. Made Baghban with Amitabh and Salman. Man behind the tele series “Mahabharata”. A few movies directed by him - Zameer, The Burning Train, Aaj Ki Awaaz. Son of the late B.R. Chopra (Who is BR Chopra? Quicker History: Made socially relevant movies right from the 50s to the 80s. Elder brother of Yash Chopra)

So Chopra after lamenting all over the press on the imprisonment of Salman Khan, will finally be able to release his next. Babul. The movie stars Amitabh Bachchan, Hema Malini, Salman Khan, Rani Mukherjee and John Abraham.

And he’s back. Isn’t 2006 turning out to be the year where a lot many are returning back after a hiatus? This one is - Vidhu Vinod Chopra - who returns after a looong time as a director again. Eklavya stars Amitabh Bachchan, Sanjay Dutt, Jackie Shroff, Saif Ali Khan, Vidya Balan, Sharmila Tagore, Boman Irani, Jimmy Shergill, Raima Sen… WOW… this time it looks like Chopra is hell bent on delivering a hit. His last loved movie was Parinda, released almost 20 years ago. Can you believe it? The genius in Parinda has not been witnessed again in the last 20 long years!

When everybody is “coming back”, it’s time to turn our view towards Rajshri Productions who have made out and out good to worse family entertainers. Sooraj Barjatya this time makes a movie not far from his comfort zone. Sorry. The subject looks like it “is” his only comfort zone. Vivaah stars Shahid Kapoor and Amrita Rao.

And November ends with a big bang. Tighten your seat belts, brace yourself for a Dhoom 2 Perhaps this would be the first time Bollywood introduces “2″ in a sequel (if you tend to cast aside the title “Waisa Bhi Hota Hai - Part 2″ which necessarily wasn’t a sequel to anything). So we have the Yash Raj banner bringing in a sequel to Part 2 and by the looks of the initial publicity it’s supposed to have double the fun and excitement. If you found the first movie a bore, then perhaps this one is not for you. Cast includes Hritik Roshan - as the bad buy, Abhishek, Uday Chopra (Family making movie, so he is in it), Aishwarya, Bipasha, Rimi… Dhoom Machale or Dhoom Dubale? November will tell.

DECEMBER

This seems to be the lightest after a spate of heavy release months. So chill, take a walk, do some Christmas shopping, take your love out for a few nice evening dinners, learn Tantric sex, barrage oz with a chunk of emails - all on learning the art of Pickup and take your gold-cover-hidden-from-all-diary out, wipe the dust off and open the pages to see the goals you had written in it for 2006. Scratch 2006 on the top of the goal list and rewrite in its place… “2007″.

In the meantime, drop in your nearest Cineplex, if you think a Subhash Ghai production still holds a bit of an importance in your life. Good Boy Bad Boy starring E-me-ran Hashmi and Tushar Kapoor opens in December. Portrayed as an out and out comedy, it would not come as a surprise if it turns out to have each shot, frame, scene and angle that reminds you of the 136 comedies seen in the last two years.

But then, you can’t tell if it will turn out that way. There is hope. The captain of this ship is Ashwini Choudhary - the director of the commendable Dhoop. So there is still hope. Hopefully.

Madhur Bhandarkar may just throw in another of his products at you this year. Looks like his Signal may be ready for release in December. Starring Neetu Chandra, Kunal Khemu, Konkona Sen Sharma - this Corporate moves to the cross streets of Bombay with Signal.

Nikhil Advani may just manage to squeeze in his next Salaam-E-Ishq in December. His second product, after “Kal Ho Na Ho”, he is already in the midst of a controversy where the story seems to be the exact copy of a script given to him by writer Reema Katgi (search Desi Train for a post on this controversy). Katgi herself is making a movie on the same script.

Advani’s movie boasts of a huge starcast - Salman Khan, Priyanka Chopra, Anil Kapoor, Juhi Chawla, Akshaye Khanna, Ayesha Takia, John Abraham, Vidya Balan, Govinda, Sohail Khan, Perizaad Zorabian, Shannon Esra, Aroon Bakshi, Anjana Sukhani and last but not the least Karan Johar!

Another movie with a list that has the who’s who of Bollywood, may make its way in December. Ahmed Khan directed Fool and Final. The movie boasts of a cast that includes Sunny Deol, Shahid Kapoor, Sunil Shetty, Jackie Shroff, Javed Jaffrey, Paresh Rawal, Om Puri, Rajpal Yadav, Vijay Raaz, Razzak Khan, Vivek Oberoi, Bipasha Basu, Arbaaz Khan… WOW!!! Did we leave anyone in Bollywood out of it?

Somewhere all along, it does seem that Bollywood is seriously taking the Zero Unemployment policy. Everyone seems to be in every movie.

To end the year, K Sera Sera comes out with Bhagam Bhag. The good: It’s directed by Priyadarshan. The bad: It’s directed by Priyadarshan. The Ugly: It has a starcast that is no different from many of the movies you read above.

Akshay Kumar, Govinda (is he hell bent of doing 125 movies this year?), Lara Dutta, Tanushree Datta, Jackie Shroff (so should we take 2006 as the official year where Jackie dada comes out of his retirement?), Shakti Kapoor (scandal alert - stay away), Rajpal Yadav (Bollywood unofficially declared foundation for a movie. No. Not the script. It’s Rajpal Yadav), Manoj Bajpai (TV to Movies back to TV and now back in Movies), Sharat Saxena, Sanjay Dutt (yes he’s in a special appearance, meaning, the producers plan to finance some of his forthcoming movies), Paresh Rawal (The other unofficially declared foundation of a Bollywood movie), Sunil Shetty (Sidelined to Sidekick, Side effect: acting just go worse), Arbaaz Khan (Who you?), Manoj Joshi (Now I really mean it: Who you?)

And…….. It’s a wrap. I’m not sure if I have seen so many ambitious products lined up in 5 months ever in the history of Bollywood. That also means there’s more money on the line here. It will either cripple or cut through and make its way to the mountains of Moolah. The journey begins today with the release of Omkara… so sit back, relax, grab a drink, get your feet up and enjoy the best of times a Bollywood fanatic may have had in a long time…

This entry was posted on Friday, July 28th, 2006 at 9:18 am and is filed under Bollywood.
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