Desi Train

oz was given an assignment by the Professor of his screenplay class to go out and watch the latest & greatest Desi movie playing in Southern California.

5 hours later, the assignment is completed. oz watches Gangster and returns to his Professor’s house to give him a feedback.

For those who came late or early or on time: oz’s screenplay professor is also the Don of Orange County, California. He is the don of dons and everyone from the local politicians, cops, to the local businessmen; all are under his heavy fat thumb. He is feared all over OC and no one dares to even “dream” of crossing his path.

oz walks into Don Gobardeon’s study, shivering a little in the don’s presence :
Sir, I’m back. I completed your assignment. I went in and watched the latest and greatest movie as you had askkk… sorry… ordered and commanded me to. I noticed the fabulous reviews this one movie had here and here and that convinced me that this was the lastest and greatest. So I watched Mahesh “the great” Bhatt’s new presentation - Gangster.

Don Gobardeon :
Hmmfff… Chutiyon ki kami nahin. Ek dhoondo hazar milte hain. (Hinglish: Hmmfff… Assholes no shortage. Search one, find thousands)

oz :
Sir, what a story, what a story! Anurag Basu is one of most the creative guys in Bollywood. I liked how he starts the movie - with a glimpse of the climax and bang - flashback. Glimpse of the climax and presentation of the start of the conflict both shown Act 1. What a great idea!

Don Gobardeon :
Zyada bolega to kaat dalega. (Hinglish: Talk more, get cut)

oz :
Sorry Gobar-jee. Now that I think of it, maybe the idea and manner in which the movie opened was good, but the execution was a bit loose to grab the attention of hardcore movie fanatics like me and movie Gods like you.

Don Gobardeon :
Chane ke jhad pe chadane ka nahin. (Hinglish: On chana tree climbing me don’t)

oz :
No no Gobar-jee. I really mean it. I liked how Ms. Roller Coaster Hair was so sensitively portraying the character of the gangster’s love interest. Her portrayal of showing the loneliness in her life was so fucking unbelievable. If I was on the panel of the Oscar awards, I would surely select her as the Best Actress in 2006. Watching her act like this in the very first movie is so mindblowing. I can’t believe my eyes.

Don Gobardeon :
Tera aankh nikalke goti khelega. (Hinglish : Remove eye, play marble)

oz :
No no Gobar-jee. I even like the way Mr. Emraan/Imran/EE-me-ran Hashmi toned down his act and played so well as the “other” guy in Ms. Roller Coaster’s life. Kissing or no kissing, Mr. EE-me-ran is surely progressing so well in the acting department. I predict that in the next 4 years he will be the superstar. He is the next after Mr. Shah Rukh Khan. Do you agree with my Bhavishyawani (prediction)?

Don Gobardeon :
Teri jaat ka baida maroo. (Hinglish: Take caste… make egg… throw)

oz :
Sir and what can I say about Shiney Ahuja, the new kid on the block, yes Sir, he’s the one who has won a ton of awards this year for his supporting role in Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi… he is too good Sir Gobar-jee. All of the MSM is going ga ga over his performance. I am so mesmerized by his performance that from now on, I am going to consider him greater than all the stupid actors that I used to think were great. Naseer, Om, Kamal, Amitabh, Nana, Paresh etc. are nothing in front of the media-praised-over-the top performance of Shiney-jee.

Don Gobardeon :
Tera khopdi ghum gayela hain. Ek kaan ke neeche bajayega. (Hinglish: Your head turning. Below your ear I playing)

oz :
And the cinematography was A class. I fell in love with Bobby Singh’s work, though the blue tinge all throughout the movie was a bit depressing. Perhaps Sir, it went well with the basic mood/tone of the story. Above all I think Anurag Basu is a cut above the rest of the current directors in Bollywood.

Don Gobardeon :
Pehli baar kuch akal ka baat bola. (Hinglish: First time talking sense)

oz :
So Don-jee how should I rate this movie?

Don Gobardeon:
B Double Minus deneka. Jaada diya toh tere gaand mein ched kar dalega (Hinglish: B Minus Minus give. Give more and making hole in your a-hole)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 at 11:09 am and is filed under Bollywood, Movie Reactions.
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