Desi Train

In 2002 came a cute independent movie. No stars. No big budget. No wide distribution release. It started small and by virtually the word of the mouth, news spreads around. The movie turned out to be one of the highest grossers of that year, so much so that a failed attempt was made to start a tele-series on it.

There was something about My Big Fat Greek Wedding which reminded me of our own desi movies. There was so much of our desi-pan [Hinglish: Indian like] in it. And as usual the first question which popped in my head was “Why the hell wasn’t this made by a desi?” – We’ve been making movies like MBFGW all the time, since ages, since Bollywood was born. In fact we are the universal experts of making these kinds of movies. It so seemed like the makers of MBFGW grew up watching Hindi movies and when they grew up and made a movie, guess what they made…

Someone in Bollywood now wants badla [Hinglish: revenge]. How dare they copy our Desi Movie? What right do they have to be influenced by our desi movies? We from Bollywood are doodh ka dhoola [Hinglish: bathed in milk 2% reduced fat, expiry date: 2 hours after you buy the can]. Words like copy and influence do not exist in Bollywood. So this good guy is out to strike back at “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”

How – you ask? Who is the good guy - you ask?

Dear reader, whatever Hollywood does, Bollywood can do better. So if MBFGW was (supposedly) influenced by Bollywood, this filmmaker will force himself to be influenced by MBFGW in a better way. Much better way. And will make My Punjabi Nikka.

Before your mind or body attempts to fall off the chair you are sitting on, please note that THE MAN planning revenge on Hollywood is non other than Sohail Khan. Yes, Sohail-jee is on a fast track to overcome Mr. Mahesh Bhatt-jee as the copier machine of Bollywood (last copy Fight Club). News is that Xerox would like to patent Sohail-jee’s technology which photocopies not itsy bitsy tiny winy documents, but the whole fucking movie itself. Rumors are that Sohail-jee has named his patented technology as “Ctrl C Ctrl V”. To understand what this name means, I would advise the dear reader to look down on his/her keyboard.

My Punjabi Nikka will star Salman Khan and Kareena Kapoor, they playing the roles of what John Corbett and Nia Vardalos played in the original. Needless to say Salman and Kareena will portray the role in a much much better way. After all the underlining concepts of MBFGW lie in the foundations of what Bollywood is built on.

But Kareena? Gaining weight for this movie? Mummy aur Shahid ko pasand nahin [Hinglish: Fat Mom and failed actor liking it not]. Worry not. Remember – what Hollywood does Bollywood can do better? Sohail-jee has fool-proof plan to use special effects to make Kareena-jee look fatter. Rumors are that programmers have been outsourced from HiTech Computer Coaching Classes located at Putli Gulli, Jhat colony in an “upcoming” Hi tech village which is near a famous “already had come up” Hi Tech city in India. Details are being tightly kept under wraps.

Also Feroz Khan has been roped in to play the father of one of the actors. Also roped in is the man who no one can beat in saying this dialogue – Kutte main tera khoon pee jaoonga [Hinglish: Dog I you blood drinking and digesting]. Yes, none other Dharampaaji will be playing the role of the other father.

The basic premise will be that of a Muslim and Hindu – boy/girl or girl/boy, who want to get married. A very important issue to tackle. Full Kudos to the team.

Sources tell me the movie will also raise another issue which is so prevalent in our times. Hopefully after My Punjabi Nikka is released, the society will awaken and henceforth all Bald Old Guys will be able to marry cute young girls with no objections.

So let us get together and wish this project the very best and give this project our blessings. May the world realize the hole truth. MBFGW – watch out – here comes the original.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 25th, 2006 at 11:43 am and is filed under Bollywood, Comedy.
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