Desi Train

Vroom, vrrrrooom, rammm. It looks like he’s doing a modeling assignment, on overtime, be it a bar, salon or a coffee shop. Sniff, diff, cry biff. His Rani has pressed the “Delete” button on him. Mr. Whale tutors Mr. Small Fry “This world’s an ocean and every person is a fish”…The train screams Chook Chook. You adamantly stay put over a sore throat and tired ass “No…I stay and give this filum more Look Look”. Crash bang. Life is such a nasty tang. Your throat’s gone sore and shank. Where is Dr. Dang?

Your favorite chai-wallah, now serves you tea, cold. Boy, he is so bold…and your friends go I told I told. Alas, the cash has swum over to the island told. Sold. You cry for more dole.

“I want revenge. Sharky ruined my life” Small Fry cries. Whale-jee has brain fry, Doc says 3 months and then your body goes hang dry…Whale-jee shocked “Me going to die, me going to die”. To do one good deed, Whale-jee shakes booty with Small Fry and declares “Let’s get revenge. Let’s get your Sharky” Small Fry all tear eyed. Call Mahesh Lunch Home. Order Pomfret Fry. Chook Chook screams your train…”No I give this filum more Look Look” screams your throat gone sore and dry. It’s time to tell your boss – you need a 7 day bye bye.

Enter Sharky who seems to be a direct descendent of Lord Vishnu, worshipping himself, performing pooja and aarti. Your stomach screams Dal Baati. Whale and Sharky strip each other’s dhoti. Small Fry looks confused: Am I aati(coming) or jaati(going)? Crash Bang Boomerang. Whale and Sharky meet for a final showdown Mumbai Downtown. Who gets the winning crown? Who gets the winning crown? Chook Chook screams your train…you leave the theater with more Dookh. No dinner you lost your Bhookh. Your roommates scream Cook Cook…you take your baseball gear, point to the bat and advise your roommates “Take a good look”

Bluffmaster, made by apunka Sholay maker’s (a.k.a Ramesh Sippy) son, Rohan Sippy, is as good as a tasty mouth watering masala chai, BUT, served cold. With broad salutes to Nine Queens (oz Moviedom, left column) and The Game, with a psychedelic cloning of the The Game’s climax…Sippy dashed and ran the ekdum fastest 100 meters. Tragically in the opposite direction.

Bluffmaster is akin to a spicy, chilly, sour, Rasgulla or perhaps a Hitchcock Suspense movie tragically executed into a comedy. And there in lies Sippy’s problem. Either the story had to follow Nine Queens’ inspiration or The Game’s nail biting concepts. Not both. Though the movie moves fast, amongst its big, small and medium sized fish, it failed to drop the hook out of the screen and get the viewer. You sit there with outstretched hands trying to meet the movie halfway but the screenplay is too self engrossed to pay any attention to you, your hand, your tired ass and of course your bloody sore throat.

Even though Abhishek has the central character, he is sadly unable to rise above a flat etched out role. Except for a few moments (Girlfriend breakup, Realization in the climax), he plays it safe and sticks to following the written role to the “T”. Nana Patekar has his moments, but the glass is too stained for us to see through his brilliance. Ritiesh Deshmukh should keep doing the bumbling, unconfident characters until he has picked up mid to advanced level of acting skills. Such roles mask intelligently the handicaps of an actor. Case in point. Tushar Kapoor’s character in Khakee.

Screenplay writer Shirdhar Raghavan needs to take a vacation to refresh himself and get some intelligent writing back on screen. By the way where’s his talented brother (Ek Hasina Thi) these days?

Sippy has style and technique. But who doesn’t in Bollywood these days. If only my rasgulla could be served sweet and my masala tea, ekdum, hot…

B Minus. Watch it if nothing at your Patel Video Store excites you (including Porn).

This entry was posted on Monday, December 19th, 2005 at 8:55 am
Filed under Bollywood, Movie Reactions
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