Toral-jee is fired
Toral-jee is out. The Apprentice’s latest victim. Donald Trump didn’t have to bat an eyelid to fire our very own desi (or born in the US but of Desi origin) Toral-jee. Oz could not take the tragedy of watching Toral-jee losing out. So Oz jumped a few hundred channels and Carmen Electra in a bubble bath tenderly pataoed (lustily attracted) Oz to forget about Toral-jee.
But this morning, Toral-jee is back, dancing and lamenting about her loss – ofcourse, all of this being played in Oz’s head. Oz has now decided to do the following:-
1. Write to the makers and creators of Hindu/Jain (Toral-jee’s religion is a source of confusion) religion to allow all Hindus/Jains to let them wear any bug/chicken/birthday suit they wish to wear on The Apprentice and any such shows from now on.
2. Fly to Toral-jee’s town and meet her employees and clients. Oz will try his ekdum (absolute) level best to convince her clients/employee’s that it is ok for an employer to have fun by wearing a bug/chicken/birthday suit and the clients/employees should follow suit (suit as in follow someone and not suit as in birthday suit. Oz is extremely apologetic for this confusion)
3. Keeping a safe distance of 25 feet along with an ambulance ready before Oz will enters Toral-jee’s office to give her an update of people’s reaction to her getting fired from the show.
4. Oz will lament not having bought a head and body protection gear while nursing his black eye, the result of a flying missle thrown by Toral-jee at Oz. Oz will later hide and smuggle Toral-jee’s missle with him back home. Toral-jee’s 8 inch left shoe will become the source of tourist attraction in Oz’s mohalla (neighborhood).
5. Oz will fly to Trump-jee and plead with him to un-fire Toral-jee offering ridiculous amounts of money to Trum-jee, which will result in Oz’s ass kissing the sidewalk outside Trump-jee’s Tower-jee.
6. After constantly praying and lighting a thousand agarbattis, Oz will miraculously see Trump-jee having a change of heart. Seeing this Oz will remember an Old Indian saying, which has come true: - Bhagwan ke ghar mein der hain andheri nahin (English translation: In God’s house there is a deer but no Mumbai suburb called Andheri)
7. Apprentice’s producers will reintroduce Toral-jee after the next 2 episodes.
8. Toral-jee will shake Oz’s hand and then tell him to “fuck off†because she is not used to meeting guys with three legs. Oz will go to temple in anger and pain and ring the mandir’s (temple) ghantaas and ghantis (bells and bigger bells) and question “Bhagwan, tumne mujhe itna bada ghanta kyon diya?†(God, why did you give me such a big…xxxxx(censored))
Kyon..kyon..kyon (why why why….echo in background). Bhagwan-jee as usual will not answer immediately cause of lack of Instant Messenger. Oz will leave temple with his ghanta (big-xxxx…censored) and fly back home.
9. Toral-jee will win the Apprentice while Oz will be crying over beer and popcorn, watching the show and singing…â€Kya se kya…hogaya, bewafaa aaa aaaa aaaa aa, tere pyar mein.†For the ridiculously ignorant Bollywood fan, it is a song from Guide.
