Desi Train

The recent flurry of searches on IIPM had Oz (me) intrigued. Add to that another institute I3D was planning to open up and this could only mean there was a huge demand for Management people in the industry. But these two institutes had a twist – they provided the latest tools in Management success to people. So it was done. Oz will do his third MBA which at last will get him a job worthy of providing him a bigger better cubicle than his current one. All information for I3D had been graciously provided by I3D’s dean on their website. IIPM seems to have no information and whatever was available the “evil” online bloggers had cut it to pieces. Oz decided to call IIPM himself and get first hand information.

Oz calls. Phone Rings.
Hot lady with a plunging neckline and mini skirt (oz imagination) picks up the phone: “Good morning and thank you for calling IIPM – Indian Institute of Phatela Management”
Oz: “Can I speak to the person in charge of admissions”
Hot Lady licking lips and touching the top button of her about-to-pop-open shirt (more oz imagination): “Sure, whom should I say is calling?”
Oz: “Oz from Desi Train”. Hot Lady lightly rubbing her thighs (oz imagination on overdrive), before connecting to the Registrar of IIPM.

Registrar: “This is Khol K. Maro. How can I help?”
Oz: “I am blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. I want to decide which institute to join - IIPM or I3D”
Khol K. Maro: “Of course IIPM. Indian Institute of Phatela Management is the best of the best”
Oz: “Best in what”
Khol K. Maro: “Best in teaching, by using the latest tools developed by precise precision controls in the ever emerging and fast outgrowing field of technology, delivered to the students, by using digital and technological outputs developed at none other than NASA exclusively for IIPM…hold on”…Puts hand on receiver…and shouts to someone next to him…”Abey moorakh (O fool)…where is Page 2 of Phatela Management’s Sales Pitch?”…footsteps heard all over…rustling of pages..clearing of throat…”Hello are you there?”
Oz: “Yes”
Khol K. Maro: “…and then providing our senior most executives with deep undercover identities to write blogs so as to kick bloggers who write against us..….SORRY HOLD ON…”…Puts hand on receiver, sound of slapping heard, more slapping, footsteps, rustling of pages, and clearing of throat…”Hello are you there?”
Oz: “Yes, but it is ok I get what you are trying to tell me. Sounds impressive”
Khol K. Maro: “Yes it always sounds impressive, thanks to the head of our PR Department and it’s chief”
Oz: “Can I talk to the chief of PR department?”
Khol K. Maro: “Sure”…connect to Chief of PR.

Chief of PR: “PK Leli. How can I help you Oz?”
Oz: “So far I’ve heard good things about Indian Institute of Phatela Management from your Registrar Mr. Khol K. Maro. Question is how does the media view IIPM and where does it place it in B-School rankings?”
PK Leli: “Oh don’t worry. We are on top of all Business Magazines list. We have proved to the whole world, to the people on Saturn and Mars that IIPM is the best of the best. We are best in teaching, by using the latest tools developed by precise precision controls in the ever emerging and fast outgrowing…”
Oz cuts in: “Mr. Khol K. Maro has already informed me of that. What magazines have you been listed as being on the top?”
PK Leli: “All the top magazines Mr. Oz”
Oz: “But I don’t see you in Business Week”
PK Leli: “No we don’t consider Business Week a magazine of repute”
Oz: “So which magazine if not Business Week”
PK Leli: “Bakwas Week”
Oz scratching head: “Never heard of it”
PK Leli: “Bakwas Week is the top most business magazine read by CEOs all over. But since you are not a CEO you may not know about it. Bakwas week has the highest readership in the world and the rest of the universe. Martians can’t get enough of it and are shipping in an extra million tons of precious Martian rocks to get just 10 extra copies of Bakwas Week.”
Oz: “Who is publishing Bakwas Week?”
PK Leli: “It is published by the publishing arm of IIPM. We have big strong arms.”
Oz: “Wow. Who is the owner of IIPM? Is it possible to talk to him”
PK Leli: “Sure.”…Connects to Owner of IIPM.

Owner of IIPM: “Abhihum Chodli speaking. How can I help?”
Oz: “Blah Blah Blah”
Abhihum Chodli: “Blah Blah Blah. Have you seen our buildings we teach in? It is an architectural marvel. We now have a new concept. We teach students in the swimming pools at our institute. Modern science shows that the concepts of management are well grasped when taught to students while they are swimming”
Oz: “Oh…but I don’t know how to swim.”
Abhihum Chodli: “Don’t worry. We are using the modern latest technology – the new age way of swimming”
Oz: “What is the New Age Way of Swimming?”
Abhihum Chodli: “We give all our students a 4 foot pole instead of chair and benches in our class room. Students sit on this 4 foot pole and while they are balancing themselves to prevent from falling, their hands move in circles in the air. This is new age swimming”
Oz: “Very Interesting. But doesn’t the 4 foot pole hurt the students”
Abhihum Chodli: “No Pain, No Gain. Mr. Oz”
Oz thinking far ahead of the dangers of the pole “What if you know, when a student sits on the pole..and…you know…the pole…you know…student can’t take the pain…you know…” Still hesitating, breathes in, gathers courage and continues…
Oz: “The pole you know…hurts the student and rips in …What happens then?”
Abhihum Chodli: “That day we award the student our prestigious MBA degree.”
Oz is all confused.
Abhihum Chodli: “Ok here’s more information. Talk to our Supervisor incharge of all IIPM buildings the world over. U will get to know what world class buildings we are housed in.” Abhihum Chodli connects to the Supervisor of all IIPM Buildings.

Supervisor: “Ram Bharose Hindu Hotel. Wat cahn aieee do phor u? who u?”

…This was getting too tough to decide. I3D or IIPM. What to do?

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 13th, 2005 at 11:05 am
Filed under Comedy, Lens Eye View
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