Desi Train

Alpha Body Language. What in the hell is it? And why do I need it? The honest truth is you don’t….

Just like you don’t need to take a shower (your pal Raj was just moved to the ICU. Symptoms: sniffing the odor coming from your body for 8 hours at work); Just like you don’t need the restroom to pee (the mohalla kids have planned to group together to throw rotten eggs and tomatoes at you the next time they see you peeing at their sidewalk. No, no need for thanks. As you see I’m your shubh-chintak and if you need to borrow my umbrella for protection from the tomato-egg rain please do not hesitate to borrow mine); Just like you don’t need to wear clothes to cover your body (and Mrs. Reddy is worried about who is robbing the leaves of her palm tree);

Or anything else…

So in the art of pickup the body language, voice tonality and congruence (the words you spoke match the intensity in your voice and the body language you carry) are the most basic foundations upon which your entire social dynamic skills are laid upon. If any of these three are missing or are not up to the mark, your pickup won’t work most of the times. The few times it will, is because I had just dumped her and she was on the rebound and hence she would have kissed anyone at that bar. You just happened to be there. You got lucky…..ok I’m kidding, don’t start pouring Ganga Jamuna from your eyes on the keyboard. You can keep her. That is if she’s still there, and has not run away with Ramu Ghadiyali. Ooops, sorry. Stop crying. I was kidding.

And before I begin let me be quite blatant that I too am a student and not a guru at all of this. It’s a learning curve for me too. The blogging things just helps me share what I am learning almost instantly with you. So for those countless number of emails who want free or paid - Pick up skill lessons, I’m sorry I’m not the one you should be shooting emails to. Ofcourse we can go out together have fun and I can show you some stuff and help you do them right there and let you know what’s going wrong…but that’s it. Please don’t start branding me as a Guru of Pickup in your emails.

There are many waves of knowledge in pickup which have been thrown at me by the gurus of pickup both while having a patiala peg (me only beer) or in the field while having bottled water (me only kick in the ass from guru) – what is the most amazing thing is exact scenarios of approaching, conversing and picking up women 85% of the times – to me looked like I had seen all this happening before. But where? I knocked my brains, which most of times is a fucking Kumbhakaran, you knock on it and all you hear is a zzzSnorezzz.

The answer came to me at most unusual of places (as they always do). If I become famous and die and all the places I lived in are made into historical monuments, then people will be visiting all the toilets of the places I have lived in and I’m sure the toilets will be labeled “oz received his 3rd greatest idea while shitting in this glorious place”…Anyway I’m going too tangent today.

So while I am “down” on “B” (a blonde district attorney who has an amazing balance of brains and……….silicon), the answer hits me. Yes I have seen all these wooing scenarios played before. Where else, but in Bollywood movies. Realization dawns. I have to do something. I immediately jump from my bed and rush to my computer to jot down flashes of brilliant (?) ideas, having totally forgotton “B”, who by now has stopped her “OOOOOOOOO….” Goes to “Huh??? What the fuck????” Looks at me. Goes under the bed. And out comes her shoe. What she did with the shoe…….shut up you dirty minds…..no she didn’t do anything to her self with the shoe nor did she throw it at me. I knew I have too many creative brilliant readers with a dirty bend who land on my blogs…she simply started polishing her shoe.

What does a Body language right now mean to me? And the answers will expand as I read more, talk more with PUAs and meet more gurus in the pickup field. It’s you standing stance, your sitting position, your body language when you talk to someone. What is Alpha? It means getting your ass off your chair, driving to the nearest bookstore and buying a copy of the Oxford dictionary.

I’m gonna concentrate this post on the Alpha walk and sit down positions.

First grab a movie on one of the best Alpha body language possessors. Amitabh Bachchan in the seventies. Not the one of now. There are glimpses of it now, but back in Sholay, Deewar, Muqaddar ka Sikander and a few others, AB represents the perfect Alpha BL (Body language).

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The two movies you must watch again and again and again to drink in each drop of AB’s Alpha BL are Deewar and Sholay.

Deewar:
Watch AB as the coolie at the port. Watch him walk in his coolie dress with rope hanging over his shoulder. (Drop the bidi). He is not only walking with a straight back, but he doesn’t attempt to puff his chest extra out. It’s cool. It’s casual. His walk is not fast. He is not in a rush. His arm movements aren’t following a parade, infact they have minimum movement. It’s a very easy relaxed walking style.

Where we go wrong:
We don’t walk. We fucking run around. There are jerky movements of hands, body and feet. God has given us hands and it becomes our moral duty to either fold them, namaskar them, hold them together close to our zippers (what’s up with that), put them in our pockets or hold them behind our back but now over our asses. Why can’t guys keep their hands by the sides I will never understand? All these send clear signals to women around you that you are nervous, indecisive and not feeling comfortable. And this makes them uncomfortable to see you approaching them with wide googly eyes and extra stretched plastic smile (if you are smiling).

Deewar and Sholay:
Watch AB sitting. In Sholay, watch his sitting position in the tonga when he and Dharmendra arrive in Ramgadh. Or watch AB sitting in the train which is attacked by dacoits. In Deewar watch him sitting in the villian’s godown announcing to the guys who were searching for him “I’m here and I’ve been waiting for you.” – the way he is lying in the godown is a complete alpha position. He is sure of himself. He is confident and knows what the end result will be. (that he’s going to kick the villian’s ass).

Where we go wrong:
Imagine you are in a crowded party, club or a park. There’s an empty sofa or a bench. You want to sit. You move towards the sofa to sit…..And here comes oz’s futuristic prediction of you. You will sit in the farthest cornor of the empty sofa occupying as minimum space as possible….Thank you thank you thank you. Please stop the clapping. I knew I should have been an astrologer….Ok jokes apart, so you sit at the cornor-most cornor of the empty sofa. What were you afraid of? That suddenly oz’s hand is gonna tear out of your sofa and pull your pants down in front of everyone? (We know you wore no underwear that day). No No No. SNAP OUT OF IT. Next time you are in such a scene, you will tell yourself to do exactly this…and before doing this you will say to yourself “If I don’t do this oz will kick my ass and pull my pants down and show my panties (I knew there was something wrong about you)”…kidding. But walk the AB – Deewar/Sholay walk towards the sofa. Go to the center of the sofa and sit there. NOW COMES THE KEY. Spread your legs wide apart as much as they may allow you to be comfortable. Relax. Spread your body loose on this sofa. Slide down a bit. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR HANDS? TAKE THEM OFF YOUR ZIPPER….Put them half feet or more away from your body and if you are holding a drink – put the glass on your lap(least preferred) or on the sofa (most preferred) with the hand holding the glass – relaxed, bent and not too tightly close to your body. SPREAD SPREAD SPREAD THAT IS THE KEY.

And the most important of things to remember (I know the last point was most important. I was wrong. So shut up and listen). DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MOVE YOUR LEGS OR YOUR BODY when people in the crowded place are moving around. DON’T DON’T DON’T. You will destroy the alpha projection. You will be surprised. NO ONE. AND I MEAN NO ONE will even attempt to ask you to move. People will actually make their own way of walking around you and if they sit they will adjust in the minimum amount of space you have given them. They will not attempt to even ask you to give space to them. If they do, no problem. Move (for God sake don’t argue or say no. Your goal is different). Move but remember that YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG IN THAT ALPHA SITTING POSITION WHICH CONVEYED TO PEOPLE THAT YOU AREN’T ALPHA AND THAT GAVE THEM THE COURAGE TO WALK UP AND ASK YOU TO SHIFT ON THE SOFA TO MAKE SPACE FOR THEM.

More examples on Alpha walk and stance – Vinod Khanna. Watch him in Insaaf and Satyamev Jayate. There is no one in Bollywood who can out-Alpha VK in walk and stance. No one. Not even AB. Watch Insaaf, specially his intro, and his walk on the bridge of Mandwa where he goes to meet Suresh Oberoi with Oberoi’s goons walking behind him. Parallel shoulders, devil may care attitude, cool walk, perfect stance.

So get off you ass, watch these 4 movies again and again and again. Go out and walk the walk. Come back and tell me the difference in people’s attitudes you saw.

Oh another thing. Find out if there are any Alexander Technique instructors in your city. If you can afford it (the class is a bit expensive), take a few classes to improve your posture, walk and other body movements. Incorrect body movements are linked to various ailments and this Technique helps you avoid that.

Until my next post…be an Alpha, Bollywood ishtyle….

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This entry was posted on Friday, September 9th, 2005 at 2:05 pm
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