Desi Train

Saw Swades this weekend. Nice, lovey-dovey, sugar coated story by Ashutosh Gowarikar. Flopped – judging from the news around, but hope the producers recover their money. Ah and yes - its a copy of a television short story done (I think on Zee) in the mid nineties - if you didn’t know about it. The story was part of a television series (don’t remember the name) – which did a new story every week. The original tv story had the guy coming to India from the U.S., having a conversation with his girl in the book store, yes going to his village to see Kaveri Amma and yep in the caravan etc. etc…The actor who played SRK’s part in the original story was, believe it or not, Gowarikar himself – the director of Swades. The only difference – the original story ended in 30 minutes, whereas the movie lasts more than 3 hours. Another factor – I don’t remember much of the girl in the tv series, but Gayatri Joshi in Swades looks wow wow wow….

So am I back to being attracted more to Indian women than firangees? – quips my friend…Absolutely not…there’s no question of returning back to something…I’ve always loved our desi ladies sensuality and beauty, but yeah – being a typical guy – the sex appeal in firangees makes my head stop working…and I’m talking generically here. Perhaps the difference in skin color gets you. Like many of my white friends, who are absolutely bowled over by middle eastern, Indian, oriental women…the chances that they find a picture of an Indian woman mindblowing sexy – who to us looks like our kaamwali bai (housemaid) – are much much high. Sex appeal or something different in terms of eye candy?

Yeah the number of firangee women I go out with has dropped in recent years. It does, whenever you get something you always lusted for and now that you have it in loads, your desire tones down. But the Indian entertainment industry too is bringing quite exquisite woman to the forefront – women minus the thunder thighs, bulging hips, and fat hanging off the arms. I found Joshi quite sensual in her completely covered salwar kameez hugging her nice figure. Could we have more of this please? Of course minus the high nose, stuck up attitude. And I know I am getting into dangerous territory here – but does anyone of you – men or women – who came to the U.S. in the last 10 years feel – this stuck attitude exists in many (NOT ALL) single Indian women? (ofcourse men too, but that’s something to talk about some other day). Self introspection could reveal you too are one of them. Where does the down to earthiness go? Or does it have to do something with the water here? In goes the water and out comes the acid…What’s up with all that?

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Having dated some Indian women from different walks of life, the first date goes like this: 1. Questions are thrown out to me like: have you dated before, how serious was it, what’s your position in your company etc. The second date 2. Next set of questions: tell me more about the girls you’ve dated and why did you break up. I’m not looking for dating, but getting married.
3. My head’s already reeling under the pressure of those questions cooked by the girl’s mama, sister, chachi whoever…
so to cut short I question back: “What do you have to offer in a relationship/marriage?”
– Their answer: Oh my love affection and caring. Treating your parents as my own (yeah right).
“What about cooking…I love a woman who likes to cook… drawing up a clear list of responsibilities…I want my woman to love cooking for me.”
— ? what do you mean? I’m not your slave. I will not cook alone. As a matter of fact, I don’t cook much…I’ll be bearing your children…who’ll look after them???
“So let me get this straight…If we get married tomorrow….you get to live in my house, use my money for shopping, use my credit cards, get me to pay off your loans, stay put in the house while I work or maybe you work too but the money you get is lost on its way back home in your shoes, dresses etc…and maybe if you are in a mood I get to have sex with you once in a blue moon….And if tomorrow you want to walk away you get to keep half of what I make in alimony. Hold on so what am I GETTING from this marriage????? I’m much better off being single than getting into a relationship with you where all I am doing is give give give and getting nothing in return.”

Yeah guys - that’s what I think. If you have the urge to take a 20 foot bamboo pole, unzip your pants, and put that pole right up your ass - if and only if you have that urge - then getting married to the stuck up woman as above is your cup of tea. But - and this is my personal opinion - screwing yourself with the bamboo pole up your ass may be less painful than marrying the woman above.

Point explained. Meeting cut short. Girl and I give a cold cold hug to each other, never to see each other again…I know a few of you will disagree with me and I believe most of you who disagree are women. But that’s me. That may sound like being very cruel, but hey you gotta be practical when you have to be practical. I’ve never physically or verbally abused a woman in my life, have never raised my voice on my woman, been a gentleman to open doors etc…but I did rather walk away from a relationship when the girl has the above attitude.

And that attitude in the girl’s I’ve dated is called arrogance. – “We want this this this this from the guy we get married to.” – call it karma but guys the years of dowry which put women’s families into a life full of sorrow or misery may be coming back to haunt all of us…for no fault of ours – our ancestors may have demanded dowry and some stupid idiots ofcourse are still doing it in India or elsewhere. But the karma may have returned with an ugly face of arrogance, stuck up attitude and I want all but give nothing attitude… its best to be single than be stuck in a life which I don’t want to be a part of.

Until someone like Gayatri Joshi (from Swades incase you got lost…and now you remember a whistle please…) shows up in California, I’ll stick to dating firangees, or some Indian women (hoping they are different), keeping marriage or permanent relationships out of my vocabulary and simply hitting Pacific Coast Highway with buddies talking about the philosophies each of us has while flirting with the beautiful coastline….

This entry was posted on Monday, January 17th, 2005 at 9:53 am
Filed under Bollywood, Lens Eye View
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